weekend... end

saw Joan of Arc this weekend. a silent film with french (& english) subtitles. extraordinary what they were doing with cinematography in 1920's - i recommend. afterwards i had to brush up on my Jean d' arc history and realized that she was quite an incredible individual - her military 'career' fighting for the french against the british was impressive, and it seemed from what i read that her trial and death were incredibly political and tainted with corruption of the factions persecuting her. the movie is based on actual documentation of the trial. also saw March of the Penguins, a national geographic documentary that is amazing! i had never heard anything, especially anything of detail, about the courtship and parenting rituals of penguins. it's an impressive look and was intriguing partly because people actually accomplished filming this behavior in the natural (freezing cold, no sun, no anything) habitat.

saw Indigo Girls and their openers, Girlyman - the entire show ROCKED! the most positive vibes and great energy. the harmonies were beautiful, voices strong, presence strong and sure, it's amazing to watch 2 souls that are so perfect together and have actually found each other in this world. there's something so certain in their songs and in their singing, that i it sets the world back on course and where it should be for the moment, and whatever lost feeling you have, goes away, and you find your way again. i'm so happy that i have finally seen them perform live after all these years. truly a cathartic experience. damn they're good! Girlyman was awesome too. I was so impressed by the strength that was in their songs and their presence & voices, and they are so young yet! really talented and just plain cool people.

on another note, went to ikea and made another attempt to cheaply improve my living space :) i do love those trips and the small luxuries that make me feel more at home. went to the beach for a bit, could stay there forever. now it's the wee hours of monday morning when i should be back to sleep, but of course i'm somewhere awkwardly between wide awake and overtired. rearranged some furniture and feels good to sit on the couch by the window and hear the birds outside and feel the light breeze come in and brush my skin :) we have 2 additions to our household - Charlotte- a very pretty hanging spider plant, and Placido, a green and white caladium. hope they like it here.

well, over and out. but first, Aunt Fima you're in my prayers and I pray that you aren't suffering and that you keep a strong will and know how much you're loved by all of us. I hope you pull through this and I see your smiling face come December.
Amen.

"...on Reason & Passion..."

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.

If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;

And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

- Khalil Gibran “The Prophet”

- from “STRESS” by Hans Selye (1950)

To those who – in their efforts for good or evil, for peace or war – have sustained wounds, loss of blood or exposure to extremes of temperature hunger, fatigue, want of air, infections, poisons or deadly rays.

To those who are under the exhausting nervous strain of pursuing their ideal – whatever it may be
To the martyrs who sacrifice themselves for others, as well as to those hounded by selfish ambition, fear, jealousy, and worst of all by hate.

For my stress stems from the urge to help and not to judge.

But most personally, this book is dedicated to my wife, who helped so much to write it, for she understood that I cannot, and should not, be cured of my stress but merely taught to enjoy it.

exhale....

so now i've passed the qualifying exams for the PhD in neuroscience. whew. would have never thought i'd end up in southern calif. studying of all things, neuroscience. Damn is it a good time though. :)

onto a more sombering thought....
Yesterday there was an attack to London and people were hurt and killed. people that were going about their day just as they always do. and then the world around them erupted. just as it did for us on 9/11. and it did for Spain a year ago. less than 24 hours after a joyous announcement that London would host the Olympics. I've never been to Europe yet. Alan recommends to go, says it's the best city there is. I hope I see it someday. I hope all those people that are hurt become better.

I read a book called We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families. the author is Philip Gourevitch, and I recommend it highly. I wanted to see the movie Hotel Rwanda, but haven't yet, so i thought i'd read up on it first. i learned a lot from the book and it was as intriguing to me as The Future of Peace has been. The authors amaze me at the peril they put their lives in to discover these incredible stories and speak to such faraway and incredible individuals. i am increasingly taking to an interest in history and the powers that have created it. so far, the things that i learn speak of such truly human struggles. struggles of power and of morality, and the struggle towards humility and restraint. the struggles of love and hate, of anger and hurt, and the struggle of forgiveness and healing. the interactions between nations - the wrongs and the rights done to one another... the quarrels and the alliances... the power and dominance and the vulnerability and misjudgements... they are a grand macrocosm of any playground, any high school class, any corporate ladder, any social hierarchy. is it true that they are a shocking, and extreme magnification of what we all face individually in our lives? i don't say this to take away from the horror that occurred in Rwanda, nor do i wish to state it in any way as comparing that experience to anything i and many i know have encountered. i guess i just get over emotional when i read of things that stir up contemplative feelings juxtaposing the beauty of our highest hopes and dreams with the tragedy of our deepest failures as human beings. these are things that i believe we all share, so that it seems we are all at once blessed and cursed.

I purchased a second book entitled A People Betrayed: the role of the west in rwandas genocide. the author is Linda Melvern. she includes references and so i am interested to know how the two stories match up. i have yet to read Kiterunner for the next book club meeting. the other girls really like it and so i'm excited to read it.

I was at home for 10 days, visiting my parents. i love being home so much. the very house gives off such a comforting and steadfast feeling. something in the way that it is kept... something in the care given to detail... it was good to see everyone and i miss them and wish they were closer. i was going through a bit of soul searching these past few weeks. it's always difficult to confront yourself with yourself. and wonder if you'll look back and wish you did more for the world. i think i am settled back to a place that I can breathe and think straight and see the path i'm taking more clearly again. it's awful that you have to go through the worry just to come back to where you left and look ahead with confidence and let go of fretting about whether you will fail, and instead just living and trusting that as long as you keep moving and stop worrying you'll do everything you want and need to do.

it's a good time in my life. i'm living out my dreams and i'm lucky enough to be young and recognize it and enjoy it.
i wish everyone had this experience too. on July 2, 2005 my father's 65th birthday party was going on, and so was the Live 8 concerts around the world. i have a great admiration for those fortunate people that are living their dreams and take advantage of their power to do good things for the world. it must be a truly wonderful life.

well, over and out for now..

home

Home again

I’m at home again, finally…. Ahhhhhhh. Breathe……..
It feels so good. I don’t know how I could have forgotten - this …
It’s so different. And I love it. Once again I have no defined edge that encloses around me, nothing forcing me to be just one thing to the world. But all my loves and all my inspirations are alive again and I feel alive again and awakened like I don’t feel there. But I feel alive and electric there in a way that is different from here too. What a pull of my mind between two so different worlds. So indulgent in each and unable to bridge the 3,000 or so miles in my mind as well as the planes that take me around. Experience is the most wonderful thing – you think you know so much until it surprises you and reveals something so unexpected. Something that can make such subtle and profound changes inside of you, and in your perspective and in the small spaces between your spine and in the small spaces somewhere under your diaphragm and surrounding your stomach. In the cells that sense your own limbs, that feel a little more alive – and a little more aware of something that faded away with the crowds. When a mind is inundated with forceful and persuasive signs, it must become a little numb, and perhaps that I’m waking from my fast paced-hibernation to a place where I can breathe and smile and I hear and see and I feel and I laugh… and I know,,….

I love home. I love the not thinking… the automatic, and the freely flowing right through the middle of me exchanges of simple breezes and pleasant low toned fully ripe phrases. I love the opening up of my mind to things long past and overdue. To the parts of myself that have drowned out in the world’s effort to categorize me neatly. I am so impressed at the renaissance person that I have forgotten I am multi-faceted and new .. the collections of my life’s time though short yet, remind me of whooping dreams and glorious eye-shining- bright inclinations that led me to places that I had never been both in and on the outside of me. Long hours of intense determination dripping out of my soul and onto a fine paper, out of a fine brush, out of my sweat and into my eyes with lots of mud and ice. Out of my soul as it tromped from here and there and picked up lovely scars and proud lines of deep patience. Silence and magic… hits and armor… muscle and sinews I feel once more and wonder where they had gone to and why I lack them so when I cross out of this yard. What energy runs through this melodious river bed of eclectic tones, I have been away too long and almost reluctant to return and so I face now my ignorance as I was fooled by the lack of pleasure true to my being, and now I return…..

I’m at home again, finally…. Ahhhhhhh. Breathe……..





KLR
12:22pm (comp says 9:20- west coast time)
June 25, 2005

On a more mundane note...

so... now that i've donated my little bit to save the children, i still feel unhelpful. It's amazing how much help is being offered though, so at least it makes me feel better that they are getting it from somewhere...everywhere. So many conversations have occupied this topic and one thing is certain - it is truly amazing and hopeful at how so many people all over the world are reaching out.

i'm still reading "The Future of Peace" and I am learning so much. I recommend it to everyone. After going through the cyclical 'soul searching' phase again, i have began a list and given it a place in my thoughts. The list will consist of those things that I think are truly important in life. Peace is the first addition. hence, my growing collection of literature to learn about the word and find out how the elusive idea has been made tangible apart from the five concrete letters that we capture it with. The future of peace... Ghandi, and autobiography: the story of my experiments with truth... The words of peace; selections from the speeches of the winners of the nobel peace prize... reason for hope... mother theresa; in my own words... the fifth book of peace. I'm half way through Future of peace; a quarter of the way through ghandi, finished words of peace and mother theresa... the rest are untouched since i bought them. i really like these things i am reading.

there are some simple things that are quite meaningful in talks about peace:

"If you're at peace, then you are not haunted by fears. So, peace is not just an...absence of violence. It means you can enjoy inner serenity because there's an absence not just of violence but of fear - freedom from fear"
- Future of Peace, page 34

"Praying for peace...is not an unimportant or insignificant contribution. Whether one believes that prayers are answered by God or by deities of some sort, it is certain that the mere act of praying establishes the right vision, the right motivation within oneself. It is the beginning of taking positive action, and it sets up an irrepressible faith that cannot be defeated by external circumstances"
-Future of Peace, page 28

well, my title 'on a more mundane note' reflects what i thought i would be writing, but then i started on the wrong note and actually peace is the number one and very first addition to my soul searching quest for meaning before i hit 28. the next thing that i have concluded is that history teachers are of utmost importance. i realize finally that we, collectively, as a human race, are akin to the poor chap in the movie Memento. With each new generation's birth we become a blank slate and as we live we furiously (as in actively, rather than angrily) record all of our gained wisdom into textbooks and journals and poetry and novels...into film and song...into anything we can to make it last after we will die. so that it might be passed on and the human race is not left to madly run from one scene to the next lacking ability to surpass, to grow and to progress.

it is inevitable that history repeats itself, because it is new to each new life. never repeated in relative terms. we may be like a fine spacecraft where each of us is a different part of the machine and we all choose to go our own way and will we never reach the edge of the atmosphere? will we never work in unison to move ourselves towards peace and grace and goodness? so many parts were working in unison to reach out to the tsunami victims - it is amazing what can be done.

anyway, history... is of utmost importance, and those teaching it in all its forms, are truly needed. history and peace.

well, no time now for mundane -ness (at least it wasn't to me, but it might be to you).

till next time...

Asia/ Tsunami

We just heard that our friend is safe in Thailand. It is difficult for me to imagine the numbers of people that have been killed by the tsunami and its effects. On google they have a link for relief and aid. When i began to look into the organizations that are taking donations to help, i was surprised. i'm sure i sound naive, but i can't think of a better word. maybe there are so many things fighting for my attention that i miss these things. it was inspiring to see a list, of organizations...of people...that work to bring relief and help to others. i have known of red cross and habitat for humanity, save the children and unicef. i have heard of doctors without borders. but, i never saw these organizations as anything but a minority of people. the exception to the life that i see most people living, or at least i thought. what a powerful thought it would be to see those things as the majority. as the norm. to see other occupations and distractions as the exception to outward concern, relief for pthers around the globe and in our neighborhoods. i wonder why it isn't that way?

http://www.google.com/tsunami_relief.html

the above link if you want to help and don't know how, like i did. there is another blog about tsunami relief. tons of information on the internet. thankfully. if you dont know how to help, you can learn instantly. the information is right at your fingertips. not just for extraordinary tragedies like the tsunami. helping in anyway - it's available everywhere.

why aren't these things the focus of our news? this is the stuff that is good. this is the stuff that is important. the caring. the helping.

i love the show extreme home makeover. it makes me cry :) whoever thought of it is a genius. so simple, but so powerful and good and hopeful. it's lovely. it's amazing. it makes me feel so good to see what happens on that screen for an hour or so.

i'm reading a book called The Future of Peace. I like it. I am sorely misinformed about many things. Or not informed enough. people that work for peace. for understanding. that is so important in this world.
i'm so thankful for them.

Finding #2

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,12899,00.asp

these articles are interesting. i have only been a "blogger" for less than an hour and already i am ashamed! :)
hmmmmm. okay let's see. vanity. yep, i can see that as being an obvious assumption. Ego gratification. Antidepersonalization. Elimination of frustration. Societal need to share. Wanna-be writers.

Hmmm. What about curiosity? Relaxation? I wonder why people keep any kind of journal, let alone an online journal. When I was young i started a journal, my mom gave me my first one. i kept a journal off and on for years and years. all of it was uncensored (of course it was NOT on the internet for anyone to see). some of it, okay - 75% - was hellish adolescent confusion that is irrationale to anyone who is not an adolescent. it was interesting to learn my uncensored self. uncensored from company, or expectation. these days i hardly have time to breathe, or think. that's why i thought this might be a good idea. sometimes after being busy all day, and inundated by all kinds of things beating for attention from all my senses, it feels good to be quiet and let my thoughts return to the natural fumbling way that they go from one thing to another without any prompting. then i take a breath and think about what is really important in life. I mean, i ask myself - what is really important? when i am old and gray and unable to do much for myself or others. when my health is failing and all i have time to do is sit... what will i think is important in the world? what will i wish i would have spent more time paying attention to? what will i wish i would have spent more time ignoring? despite sounding depressing, it's really more of an uplifting idea to me. becaue i'm not old and i have full ability to direct my life, pay attention to what's important. i want room to breathe and think. i'm busy just like the rest of the world, but one thing i've learned is that there will never be time, unless you make it.

i think it's important to breathe, to think about what matters, and to make time for what really matters in life. i suppose it will be different for anyone.

Finding #1

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1759,27443,00.asp

so, i googled "blog rules" first to see if there's any etiquette or whatnot and the thing that i found is the above website. so, i guess some people are fed up with hearing the word blog so much these days. well, i thought the article was interesting and mildly funny (as I'm new to all this blog stuff). i promise i will try not to use big fancy words, i am not a promoting author in disguise, i cannot give props to fellow bloggers (due to not knowing any), i am too shy to shed politeness and use profanity so early in the game, i have enough jargon at work to deal with, and i will never intentionally use a cat name for my blog, seeing as i don't have any cats because they give me hives. with that said, welcome to all who are not annoyed or bored already :)

i do love my job, and i might add some poetry in the future. can't please everyone, eh?
tonight though, it's time for bed. sleep is top priority to me. over and out.

Here goes...

Okay, so this is blogging. I keep hearing this blog word and it sounds interesting. So here I am. Blogging. Is that a word? I really should read up about blogging first, so until then, over and out. Happy New Year